Alone
People around me,
This space is my own
A feeling I thought I had forgotten
Now I am alone.
You came back into my life
I should have been a different me.
For the girl you left, and the woman you have found
Is no longer free
Questions I am asking
Is this the only way?
Worlds and lives would collapse around me
I can do nothing else, but stay.
What you offer I cannot have
Wanting it so much is just not on.
Deluding myself is not an option
What we once might have had is now over and gone.
Choices
The choices that we make
The things that we forsake.
All that glitters is not gold
Does that matter when all else has got old?
Misery loves company
I wonder is that me?
My stupidity has no limits
As I pull my perfect life to bits.
What is perfection?
Is it all it is cracked up to be?
When does the compromise become too much?
If I can have it all for just one touch.
Do you see me?
I stand next to you and you move away.
I look at you and you look right through me.
I touch your face, and you brush away a fly.
I speak and you don’t listen to my words.
Do you see me as I look into your eyes?
Do you care when the tears run down my face?
All at once I feel insignificant,
An invisible girl in her invisible world.
I must have turned around and lost you
But I didn’t see you leave.
Was I not paying attention?
That you felt you had to go.
I don’t know all the answers
I don’t know what to do.
I feel empty in your company
And I wonder how to move.
Do I step away and leave you?
Do I stay and take control?
Is this what I have left on offer,
A place in this home with no heart?
Randomness, the thoughts that run round my head,
Unchained unfettered, unrestrained, and unruly.
Emotions are on a knife-edge, willing things to happen,
But the knowledge that it might not be the best plan.
A life unknown, a path untried.
Unbidden, you call me. I yearn to move towards you,
Not knowing whether I will fall to my death.
Am I dying anyway?
Yet surely, my life’s passion drains away,
As my heart aches for one I cannot have.
I try so hard to be aloof and alone,
The friend you need, no more no less.
You hold my heart; yet don’t know you touch it.
Should I let you know my soul’s secrets?
I long to be held in your arms, safe and true.
Pretence I might be able to play.
I look into your eyes; I see it there,
I want to touch you, hold you, and love you.
I can take your pain, your woes, make the bad dreams go away.
But I am too scared to move.
