disenchantedenchantress: (Default)
My wedding anniversary is the 1st of August. Which is also Lughnahsah.

My wedding was very much a day of mixed emotions. On the morning of the wedding, my grandfather died. After 12 years, it doesn't quite hurt anymore, but both my husband and I occasionally talk about having another wedding/blessing/handfasting type thing, but so far we have never got round to it.

However this year, something finally clicked for me. It is almost like my grandad gave way to my then new husband. I know that sounds weird, (and possibly a bit wrong to some people). But the more I think of it, the more it makes sense to me. My husband is emotionally very similar to my grandad, and part of me wonders that once my grandad knew that I had a Good Man in my life (my dad has failed in that role if I am brutally honest), he knew that he could move on.

Whether I am right or wrong, it does make me feel a bit better about it all.
disenchantedenchantress: (Default)
Ive done you a 5 card reading, in the shape of a cross, position 1 on the cross at west if like, you will relate to things you want to accomplish, postion 2, which is east, relates to your home life, postion 4 at north is unexpected events, postion 4 at south is your role in these events, and finally at the centre is outcome.

The first card if the 7 of cups, cups are all about feelings and emotions, the 7 of cups is very much about a question for emotional well being and harmony, however, when you look at this card you see a person staring into a pool of water at the many cups within, yet they seem totally oblivious to the full cup beside them, this is something you need to consider when you move forward in your life, be aware that you have some good things going for you already, don't forget them.

The 2nd card is about home, this is the Prince of cups, this is a very emotionally charged card, full of feeling. Which would suggest that perhaps things are a little turbulent at home, the prince holds a cup up, but his clothes are ragged, a bit like having a party whilst the guests are rowing in the kitchen, it would seem to say to me that underlying issues are not being addressed and are if you consider the previous card, being glossed over by a search for something better.

The third card is the nine of cups, this is related to unexpected events, but it is reversed, so whilst it is normally about enjoying the fruits of your labours, what we actually seem to have here is a situation where something is either blocking or going to occur where you cannot or will not be able to see what you have in front of you, everything seems like a negative, or that it sours your triumphs, perhaps you need to stop and smell the roses rather the horse manure.

The fourth card is your role, it is the 10 of pentacle, it very much is about being happy and enjoying what you have. And considering the other cards, it would suggest that perhaps if you take time to sit back and look at the goood things then good things will happen, its about being postive and looking at what you have around you, not all of us are meant to "be" somebody to anybody else than those that love us, and being somebody is subjective.

The final card is about the outcome, it is the Queen of wands reversed, the Queen of wands is a firey action card, its all about management and leadership, but it is reversed, I would suggest that the best outcome for you and yours perhaps involves a less proactive, driven approach, maybe take some time to sit back and see what the fates provide.
disenchantedenchantress: (Default)
I think I need to write this list and get it out that I am grateful for a lot of things. Yes, things are a bit shit at the moment, but I have to keep things into perspective, because if I don't, I will go stark raving bonkers and really, not in a good way.
  • I am grateful to my parents, particularly my mum for bringing me up to be the strong woman I am now.
  • I am grateful to my parents for having me and keeping me in the first place.
  • I am grateful for my husband and his love for me.
  • I am grateful for the blessed beings of my children in my life. The joy they bring me is beyond compare.
  • I am grateful that although we aren't rich in material things, we have enough to live in relative comfort.
  • I am grateful that we have a roof over our heads, even if it is cramped and messy.
  • I am grateful for my mind.
  • I am grateful for my female body.
  • I am grateful for the friends in my life that mean so much to me.
  • I am grateful for the magick in my life.
disenchantedenchantress: (evil willow)
Certainly the worst beginning...My Hysterical Jugglings Blog- part 1 and then this, My Hysterical Jugglings Blog-part 2.

To say I am shellshocked would be an amazing understatement. I am wondering what to make of it all. I know we need to move out of here. A murder-suicide literally 8 foot away from us is very hard to get our heads round, and really do I want to get my head round it?

We MUST get out of here. I MUST find my calling, purpose, whatever you wanna call it. I can't take living here, like this anymore. But I don't want to take that step off the parapet and fall to my doom. (The way I am feeling at the moment is that I could get very very depressed, but I am conciously moving myself away from that ledge.)

I keep asking the Universe what it is trying to tell me, and I am trying to move towards what I think that is, but I am now wondering if I am just getting it very wrong. I am feeling very lost in the wilderness, and I just don't know what to do.



disenchantedenchantress: (Default)
There is the tiniest of possibilities that we may have the opportunity to move very very far away.  I am not saying more than that at the moment, until I have some news either way.

However it does get me thinking about if we did get out there, where would it take my Paganism and Witchcraft? As far as I am aware I would probably be The Only Witch In The Village, so where would that leave me?

Also, as far as Those Who Cannot Be Seen and The Powers That Be, well, the Islands have only be populated for the last 150 years or so by the British, and there are no indigenous people. (if there once were, they are long gone, and there is no sign that they were ever there.) So how do you develop a relationship with a completely new land, almost completely untouched by human hands?

Historically people have just taken their God/desses with them, and incorporated them into their new lives. But what of the indigenous spirits and landwights? Will the Fae be there?

I suppose really, this is something that I should think about more if we get to go, but still it makes me wonder...
disenchantedenchantress: (sexy piggy)
As I have previously mentioned, I have a real issue with Letting Go, be it arguments, slights, horrible behaviour, habits, friendships, whatever. It is definitely a work in progress to get over that part of me.

Another issue that I have is that I can't bear feeling trapped by circumstance or by people. Which when you are living a fairly normal life (marriage, 2.4 kids etc) is a problem since you are intrinsically trapped in a domestic web of your own making.

I also find I am a confusing mix of wanting/needing validation in certain areas of my life, when not giving a flying fuck about other's opinions in the rest of it.

I am very aware that this is part hormonal, part lunar, and part time of the year, (I need some SUNSHINE dammit!), but I feel very stifled at the moment, socially, financially, in every area of my life. And I know from past experience this is Not A Good Thing.

I need to reconcile some parts of me with the life that I have chosen to lead.  I hope it doesn't hurt as much as it could do.
disenchantedenchantress: (Default)
Well, I didn't, but I have had a stinky cold this week, so things I wanted to do didn't happen. However, Husband who has been saying that he wants to do more, be more involved, and generally be more spiritual with me also didn't do anything. Mainly because I didn't do anything. So once again, I am the instigator of all that happens here. 

Yes, that is slightly unfair and possibly uncalled for, but that's how I feel right now.
disenchantedenchantress: (Default)
The OPPORTUNITY The CHALLENGE The RESOLUTION
3 - the Gardener
Sensuality, creativity, abundance

It is a time of great fertile and abundant opportunities for you. You are pregnant with new creations — an art form, a book, a project, even a baby. You embody both the nurturing Mother and the sensual Lover. You are a steward of the land when you plant, weed and nourish your garden in a sustainable manner. At harvest time, you offer the best possible of all foods to those whom you love. You are a hard worker, but you take great delight in the scent of lavender fields on a hot summer day and the dizzying riot of color, shapes and textures in the garden. You love your own body; you love your mate, your children, your friends, your community; you love the natural world around you. Your appetite for connection, sensuality and creativity seems boundless. The people around you are blessed to have you in their lives.
9 - the Hermit
Sacred solitude

You are being challenged to spend time in sacred solitude. You need to withdraw from the world to focus on your inner life and spirituality. Perhaps you have been wounded in the "wars of the world," or perhaps you are fatigued and empty from putting out so much energy, especially if you are a caregiver. Your well is empty and it needs to be filled. Take some time out for a retreat. Go away to the mountains or the sea, by yourself, without partner or friends. Spend time outside in nature, observing the changes in your environment day by day. Your inner wisdom and sense of well-being will grow effortlessly the more time you spend outside. When you once again enter community life, others will be drawn to the light they see inside you and may come to you for guidance. For part of your purpose is to share what you've learned with others.
2 - the High Priestess
Dreams, voices and visions

Resolution comes through intuition and going within. Pay close attention to your dreams, as they may carry potent messages for you. Let your intuition flow. Listen for the subtext in the words of others; hear the words they don't speak out loud. Watch for synchronicities and omens in your everyday life. Study the "dark arts" of divination — reading the cards, astrology, scrying, interpreting dreams. Listen for voices in the wind, look for patterns in the clouds. Meditate. Study the language of symbol and myth. At the dark of the moon, or when your wise blood flows, listen to the still small voice within. It is Her voice, and it speaks of mysteries, secrets, and truth.


From www.gaiantarot.com/oracle/
disenchantedenchantress: (Default)
Using The Faeries' Oracle by Brian Froud

PAST
THE LADY OF THE HARVEST
It is time to accept change, to move on to the next phase. Power and strength in the present and future come from releasing the past. This is a time of liberation, and we might as well cooperate with it. It will happen, whether we want it to or not. Release and liberation may be painful or joyful, depending on the circumstances. Cry if you need to, be joyful if that is appropriate, but in either case trust the process, acknowledge what you feel, and prepare to move on.

PRESENT

LYS OF THE SHADOWS
Ultimately, Lys is trying to help people develop true self-respect and self-esteem, but she has to start much further down the scale of idealism than that. She tries to inspire practical help for those who need it most. She is the inspiration for the first wobbly steps taken toward healing by a damaged soul. Her presence in a reading indicates that something that had seemed lost and fixed in that loss is now open to healing. Someone is ready to begin, with help, the climb out of the inner mire. There is hope here, and a need for loving kindness tempered by practicality. If you call upon Lys for assistance in helping another, she will always give it, often by encouraging them to be receptive and others to also be helpful. She always has time to support those who have time for others.

FUTURE

EPONA'S WILD DAUGHTER

Epona's Wild Daughter, Dorcha, is the sphinx, whose riddles must be answered lest we otherwise be destroyed by our own internal conflicts. Dorcha reminds us that we cannot go forward until we have faced something buried within us that is holding us back. Her presence in a reading tells us that finding and working through this is a task of some urgency. We can expect help in this from other people, from the faeries, and from our dreams, but we must be open to these difficult questions and answers and be ready to face things about ourselves that are not as we would wish them to be. She urges us to heal the unresolved issues about who we really are and what we truly want to be. This is part of the required course in Self Transformation 101 that we are all enrolled in here on Planet Earth. The answers to her riddles often come in a sudden burst of enlightenment, like the 'solution' to a Zen koan. We may watch a leaf fall or catch a glimpse of the tiny sliver of the new moon in the sky and suddenly be hit by the answer. Before that happens, we usually work long and hard upon the question, searching and digging for an answer. The realization, when we really have it, will be transformative; we will no longer be the people that we once were. You don't like this interpretation? Well, I have been telling you all along that we (you and I and everyone else) will all receive varying messages from the faeries in the cards. Yours may well differ from mine. Ask Dorcha what message she has for you--and don't be surprised if her answer is another question or riddle. She and I both wish you well in solving it with all our hearts.

disenchantedenchantress: (Default)
I have a real problem with Letting Go. I will remember slights, arguments, negative comments, all that crap that in the long run, and serious emotional baggage. I would rather not. I remember things I have done wrong and what others have done wrong to me, and often unbidden they come into my head and I dwell for too long on them.

I know on an intellectual level that I need to stop it, and really Let Go of it all, and I know how to do it in theory. However on an emotional and practical level I have a really hard time doing it, and usually it doesn't work.

I am conscious that there is a box of all that pent up irritation, and while I try really hard to sit on it, and keep it in there, bits and pieces come sliding out. I know that I probably need to pull it all out, and examine it for what it really is and deal with it properly, but I haven't yet.

I need to work out why I keep hold of it all, rather than sending it all away for good.  I really need to Let Go.

GODDESS

Nov. 19th, 2009 03:52 pm
disenchantedenchantress: (vintage witch)
Where are You in this modern world?
Do I look for You in the rose-tinted echos of the past?
Are You the names that have gone before me?
Am I struggling to hold onto what cannot be grasped?
SHE, the Unknown is calling my name.
SHE, the Unseen is waiting to be found
SHE, the Ineffable is watching me open my eyes
SHE is offering it all if only I look around.
CREATRIX, ignored and forgotten
I feel you move the Universe.
My Heart calls and my Soul answers
I long to be free from Society's Curse.
My screams go unheard by others in this world.
But a Wild Woman moves within me.
My intentions are forming, clear and true.
GODDESS you show me the Wild Woman I should be.
I dance to your heartbeat.
Joy lifts my feet.
Music only my ears hear moves me and I open my arms to hold you,
Dancing Our Spirits meet.
You are my All, My Everything, Inspired by the past, formed in reality, Your strength is mine to share.
disenchantedenchantress: (Default)

You Leave Me 
You came, a wind that knocked me off my feet.
Feathers ruffled, emotions stirred,
You gave me a look that unlocked my spirit.
A friendship formed, secrets were shared and my life brightened.
Now you leave me alone. 

Lives go on, they always must.
You go to start anew
My jealousy is not of reason.
A new beginning, a life completely fresh.
You leave me alone. 

I had you in my heart for a year
Will you still be there forever?
A pain that aches, that I cannot share
No one to tell, not even you.
You leave me alone.
 

 

Emo Poems

Nov. 9th, 2009 10:55 am
disenchantedenchantress: (Default)

Trapped. 
Comfortable Prison of my own making,
Wondering at what I could be forsaking.
Lost within the circuit of my mind,
Looking for treasure that I am sure that I will never find.
Limits and temptations surround me,
What if I have never been free? 
I have crowned myself with virtue and responsibility.
That little girl who is pretending to be me.
Watch her as she courts disaster,
Is she destroying all to be her own master?
Games that she plays, toys that she breaks,
Watch me as I fall into these obvious mistakes. 
Does familiarity breed contempt?
One love lost as another is spent.
My heart is yours but is it still mine?
Is this right? I ask the divine.
My tears have yet to fall down a repentant face.
Maybe my prison is the right place?

disenchantedenchantress: (Default)

Spinning around,
Confusion abounds
My head in a whirl
I am such a girl! 
You smile
At me
My heart leaps a mile
You touch
My face
And my senses feel too much. 
I listen as you talk,
Watching as you walk.
I wish that there could be more,
Like it was the time before. 
Time moves along
I need to be strong
All I have are emotions
And some really stupid notions…
 

 
disenchantedenchantress: (Default)

Alone 
People around me,
This space is my own
A feeling I thought I had forgotten
Now I am alone. 
You came back into my life
I should have been a different me.
For the girl you left, and the woman you have found
Is no longer free 
Questions I am asking
Is this the only way?
Worlds and lives would collapse around me
I can do nothing else, but stay. 
What you offer I cannot have
Wanting it so much is just not on.
Deluding myself is not an option
What we once might have had is now over and gone.
 




Choices
The choices that we make

The things that we forsake.
All that glitters is not gold
Does that matter when all else has got old? 
Misery loves company
I wonder is that me?
My stupidity has no limits
As I pull my perfect life to bits. 
What is perfection?
Is it all it is cracked up to be?
When does the compromise become too much?
If I can have it all for just one touch. 



Do you see me? 
I stand next to you and you move away.
I look at you and you look right through me.
I touch your face, and you brush away a fly.
I speak and you don’t listen to my words.
Do you see me as I look into your eyes?
Do you care when the tears run down my face?
All at once I feel insignificant,
An invisible girl in her invisible world. 
I must have turned around and lost you
But I didn’t see you leave.
Was I not paying attention?
That you felt you had to go. 
I don’t know all the answers
I don’t know what to do.
I feel empty in your company
And I wonder how to move. 
Do I step away and leave you?
Do I stay and take control?
Is this what I have left on offer,
A place in this home with no heart?
 

 

Randomness, the thoughts that run round my head,
Unchained unfettered, unrestrained, and unruly.
Emotions are on a knife-edge, willing things to happen,
But the knowledge that it might not be the best plan.
A life unknown, a path untried.
Unbidden, you call me. I yearn to move towards you,
Not knowing whether I will fall to my death.
Am I dying anyway?
Yet surely, my life’s passion drains away,
As my heart aches for one I cannot have. 
I try so hard to be aloof and alone,
The friend you need, no more no less.
You hold my heart; yet don’t know you touch it.
Should I let you know my soul’s secrets?
I long to be held in your arms, safe and true.
Pretence I might be able to play.
I look into your eyes; I see it there,
I want to touch you, hold you, and love you.
I can take your pain, your woes, make the bad dreams go away.
But I am too scared to move.




 


 

 

 



 

Emo Poetry

Nov. 9th, 2009 10:34 am
disenchantedenchantress: (Default)
Here follows some Emo poetry written by yours truly back in the day.

I can't promise that it is very good, sorry...


Light glitters in a darkened room. 
Whispered words not heard before.

My lightest touch seems to have new meaning
A heart beats faster, is it yours or mine? 
Thoughts go round in circles,
Never ending, never fading.

Questioning and unforgiving.
Relentless emotions swamp my existence.  
Is love fading, as love grows?
A woman’s failure to make sense of her world
An age-old question that can never be answered.
The futility of trying seems to be all there is. 
Did I surrender too soon?
What options were there for me to take?
Is indecision my only answer
And confusion my only result? 
I see your clear dark eyes,
They might hold the key to happiness.
But is this all just fool’s gold,
Glittering in a darkened room?
 





 

 

Full Moon

Nov. 2nd, 2009 08:36 pm
disenchantedenchantress: (Default)
The full moon shines down upon my skin,
I lift my face up to Her.
A cry starts to form in my throat.
My heart aches,
And I must howl at the moon...
disenchantedenchantress: (Default)
A call from the Goddess
Are you really listening?
Hear her voice,
She says your name.
She offers you Eternity
Do you dare drink from Her Cauldron?
disenchantedenchantress: (evil willow)
I have had enough. The big guns are coming out. Tomorrow night's full moon will see me magicking my socks off to get the situation with Rick* sorted. I have had enough of him being lied to, fobbed off, demoralised, demeaned, and generally made to feel like shite. He has done absolutely nothing wrong. He has held himself with dignity, and totally has the moral high ground in this situation.

He is slogging himself sick to get the situation sorted, when none of it is his responsibility, just that it has a massive impact on him and his family.

I have done mild workings, trying to push things in the right direction, but what has come to light over the last few days has meant that I am now Getting Involved. I can't go in and smack a few "heads" (Hahahaha), but I can do it on the Astral.

Forget this love and light bollocks. [personal profile] disenchantedenchantress  is Very Unhappy, and Very Angry. I will Play Nice no longer.



disenchantedenchantress: (Default)

The OPPORTUNITY
The CHALLENGE The RESOLUTION
1 - the Magician
Spirit made manifest

You have the opportunity to manifest your desires. Your sense of personal power is strong. You know how to enter sacred space and bring spiritual energy into the world of matter. You have learned how to focus your will and your passion towards a goal. Your creativity energizes you and blesses those around you. You have the potential to align yourself with the heartbeat of the earth, and to bring forth healing for the planet and all her creatures.
14 - Temperance
Combining opposites

You are being challenged to find the serenity of the middle way between polarities. You are ready to embrace the different parts of your personality, both light and shadow, that combine to make your own unique self. Your inner, spiritual life harmonizes with your life in the workaday world. You have discovered that your whole life is a work of art. You may be in need of healing on a spiritual or physical level, and the Winged One — a descendant of the ancient Bird Goddesses — is here to facilitate that for you. She may also aid you as you move into the role of healer yourself.
10 - the Wheel
Cycles and seasons

Resolution comes with change. One part of a cycle is becoming another. What is passing away in your life right now, and what is coming into being? Where do you stand right now on the Wheel? Can you see that what is happening does not happen in isolation, but is part of a pattern? Sometimes the change that is coming is obvious and striking. More often, it creeps up on us when our attention has been elsewhere — the trees are suddenly bare and we didn't even notice when the first leaves began to fall. So this card also challenges us to be mindful. Keep track of the cycles of the sun and moon, which mirror our own inner cycles. If things seem chaotic and disorderly in your life, focus on the still point of the turning wheel. Remember that with prayer and the magic of sustained focus, all things are possible.


My question?

HELP!?

This is an interesting answer...

From www.gaiantarot.com/oracle/

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