disenchantedenchantress: (Default)
My wedding anniversary is the 1st of August. Which is also Lughnahsah.

My wedding was very much a day of mixed emotions. On the morning of the wedding, my grandfather died. After 12 years, it doesn't quite hurt anymore, but both my husband and I occasionally talk about having another wedding/blessing/handfasting type thing, but so far we have never got round to it.

However this year, something finally clicked for me. It is almost like my grandad gave way to my then new husband. I know that sounds weird, (and possibly a bit wrong to some people). But the more I think of it, the more it makes sense to me. My husband is emotionally very similar to my grandad, and part of me wonders that once my grandad knew that I had a Good Man in my life (my dad has failed in that role if I am brutally honest), he knew that he could move on.

Whether I am right or wrong, it does make me feel a bit better about it all.
disenchantedenchantress: (evil willow)
Certainly the worst beginning...My Hysterical Jugglings Blog- part 1 and then this, My Hysterical Jugglings Blog-part 2.

To say I am shellshocked would be an amazing understatement. I am wondering what to make of it all. I know we need to move out of here. A murder-suicide literally 8 foot away from us is very hard to get our heads round, and really do I want to get my head round it?

We MUST get out of here. I MUST find my calling, purpose, whatever you wanna call it. I can't take living here, like this anymore. But I don't want to take that step off the parapet and fall to my doom. (The way I am feeling at the moment is that I could get very very depressed, but I am conciously moving myself away from that ledge.)

I keep asking the Universe what it is trying to tell me, and I am trying to move towards what I think that is, but I am now wondering if I am just getting it very wrong. I am feeling very lost in the wilderness, and I just don't know what to do.



disenchantedenchantress: (evil willow)
I have had enough. The big guns are coming out. Tomorrow night's full moon will see me magicking my socks off to get the situation with Rick* sorted. I have had enough of him being lied to, fobbed off, demoralised, demeaned, and generally made to feel like shite. He has done absolutely nothing wrong. He has held himself with dignity, and totally has the moral high ground in this situation.

He is slogging himself sick to get the situation sorted, when none of it is his responsibility, just that it has a massive impact on him and his family.

I have done mild workings, trying to push things in the right direction, but what has come to light over the last few days has meant that I am now Getting Involved. I can't go in and smack a few "heads" (Hahahaha), but I can do it on the Astral.

Forget this love and light bollocks. [personal profile] disenchantedenchantress  is Very Unhappy, and Very Angry. I will Play Nice no longer.



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disenchantedenchantress

June 2012

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